chocolate! 

chocolate cake pre-eaten 

Me and Jeremy, getting me car 

chocolate cake! 

Guys night out!

About once a month, I go out to a club, only to be reminded as to why I don't go clubbing. Last night, we went out to Skyline. A club that positions itself as a hip new ultralounge in the Honu Honu room of the Sheraton Waikiki. Before arriving, we did the mandatory pre-partying ie. drinking a lot. I decided not to partake in this, as I gave blood earlier yesterday morning, and thought it may be unwise to replace a pint of blood with a pint of alcohol.


We arrived at the club, and it was ok. The music was refreshingly eclectic and poppy, however the dance floor was tiny. I must admit I'm kind of a prude, as I'm not a big fan of girls wearing super tiny skirts and backless blouses. The buddies I went with have a completely different opinion on these subjects, but these are the same guys that regale on past lusts and their "tit size." Ugh.

It becomes painfully obvious to me why girls are so afraid of guys. Whenever I approach a girl I don't know, there's always this uncertain feeling, with a slight tinge of fear. Mind you, I'm probably one of the least intimidating guys on the planet, standing at a full 5 foot, 5 inches, and having the face of a barely post-pubecent teenager. Nonetheless, women seem to have this innate fear that men look at them as purely sexual objects. This is not to say that their fear is goundless, as friends of mine often prepetuate the stereotype of the desperate, horny male. I also came to realize that the club seems to be filled with these types of guys. Ok, that's really judgemental of me, because I don't believe myself to be one of those guys, and I was there, but veering out on to the dance floor to see guys with loads of jewelry, dry humping girls seemed to reinforce my theory. This is not to say that it is entirely the fault of the males in this case. I often hear women being deplored at the thought of being treated like an object, but will make out with random guys if drunk enough.

At the end of the night, as we're waiting for the elevator, the girl behind me says; "I need to just find a nice guy, not like that last asshole I dated." I was about to ask her if she met him at a club, and if his introduction to her included the words "tits," however I thought better of it. My intention last night, was merely to party with some buddies of mine, however the conquest of women seemed to be more important to them, leaving me with a beer, and my own meandering thoughts. I think it's funny that guys go to clubs to meet girls, and girls go to hang out with other girls. Does this actually work for anyone?

P.S. I love my guy buddies, this was more of a rant of guy behavior in clubs as a generalization.

unrequited love

Have you ever seen a girl that you don't know, and be completely fascinated by her? She's everything you look for in a significant other, as far as beauty, humor, and heart. This is what I saw in Rachael Ray, host of 30 minute meals and $40 a day. I was watching her show today, and to my astonishment, I observed an engagement ring on her finger! Needless to say, my heart is broken.

Of course, she's dating a musician from The Cringe. Why can't she take an interest in geeky 23 year old guys that live with their parents? Alas, I hope she finds happiness with her man. I can only wish the best for someone as beautiful and naturally endeering as Rachael Ray.

"According to a new study, women in satisfying marriages are less likely to develop cardiovascular diseases than unmarried women. So don't worry lonely women, you'll be dead soon."-Tina Fey

It seems that Tina Fey is married as well...It looks like I'm going to die a slow and lonely death. I'm off to give blood. Hopefully, my broken heart will be able to give off a few more pumps for those in need.

Labor of love

I've decided to document the makings of this first album. If anything, it should be a salubrious writing and thought process.

Last night, we had our first full band rehearsal, after about 3 months of laying down scratch tracks that were graciously provided by our very generous producer. The producer for this first album is really amazing, believing in the company and our product from the first time we met him at a small coffee house. I remember e-mailing him for about a month, giving him audio samples, and raving about how great Paula would be to record, and how we basically had no money to record with. Halfway into our first meeting, he said; "I can't afford to not record you." Wow. Just wow. He's been nothing but encouraging and helpful ever since. I can't wait to finish the album with him.

The band last night was amazing. For anyone interested, they are basically an experimental jazz group called Swampa ZZ, playing Indigo every Thursday night. I can't give enough praise for their musicianship and professionality. Every one of these guys gave a little more body and direction to the songs Paula wrote.

Sometime in the next two weeks, we'll be in the studio, laying down the first 4 tracks, and I'm nervous. I'm not sure why, but it feels like I can see that huge road ahead of me, and it's scary. I see myself pouring my time and money into this album, and I'm not sure what the outcome is going to be. I know that I've always rationalized this by saying that I'm young enough to lose everything and start over again, but it's still scary. What's reassuring is that I've been wanting to do this since I was 16, and now that it's getting scary, I still want to do it.

I know I have a tendancy for too much expository, but too bad. The first time I ever really held a girls hand was at a movie. I've had a crush on this girl for quite some time, and it was our first date. I remember my breathing getting a little shallow, and biting my lower lip, while trying to fix my eyes on the screen. My fingers extended, and I could feel every shred of fear and excitement weighing down on my mediocre teenage chest. Creating an album feels like that, but for months at a time.

Stories you don't hear

I’ve recently read on Wikipedia that Alan Turing was gay. For those of you who don’t speak Geek, or are unfamiliar with our history, Turing is known to be the father of computer science, while also gaining little acclaim as a major participant to break German ciphers. This guy, simply put was a hero, saving lives and gaining recognition nearly 20 years after his death. Anyhow, I was looking his name up for some odd reason on Wikipedia, and found this entry:


Prosecution of Turing for his homosexuality crippled his career. In 1952, his male lover helped an accomplice to break into Turing's house and commit larceny. Turing went to the police to report the crime. As a result of the police investigation, Turing was said to have had a sexual relationship with a 19-year-old man, and charged with "gross indecency and sexual perversion." He unapologetically offered no defence, and was convicted. Following the well-publicised trial, he was given a choice between incarceration and libido-reducing hormonal treatment. He chose the estrogen hormone injections, which lasted for a year, with side effects including the development of breasts.In 1954, he died of cyanide poisoning, apparently from a cyanide-laced apple he left half-eaten. Most believe that his death was intentional, and the death was ruled a suicide. His mother, however, strenuously argued that the ingestion was accidental due to his careless storage of laboratory chemicals. Friends of his have said that Turing may have killed himself in this ambiguous way quite deliberately, to give his mother some plausible deniability.


Wow. This is one of the saddest things I’ve read in a while (possibly next to the Taiping Rebellion). I’ve had close friends that are gay, abused and hurt for who they are, most of whom have considered suicide due to the overwhelming pressure of society. This kind of struck a chord with me, and find it somewhat incredulous that I’ve never heard of this before.The eerie significance of all of this is the early Apple logo: A rainbow apple with a bite taken from it.

This is awesome

"But we were born of risen apes, not fallen angels, and the apes were armed killers besides. And so what shall we wonder? Our murders and massacres and missiles, and our irreconcilable regiments? Or our treaties whatever they may be worth; our symphonies however seldom they may be played; our peaceful acres, however frequently they may be converted into battlefields; our dreams however rarely they may be accomplished. The miracle of man is not how far he has sunk but how magnificently he has risen. We are known among the stars by our poems, not our corpses."

-Robert Ardrey